It’s a decent bet that a night out with our straight friends isn’t going to lead to a deep conversation about twinks and bears and complex nature of gay male identities. But that was exactly the situation Brandon Mosley found himself in, and the result was more than an education moment for Allies; it was the birth of his book, “The Guide: Gay Bodies & Expressions.”
Brandon Mosley
“I was hanging out with a few straight friends over drinks one night when the gay dating experience came up in conversation. I gave a rundown of our social codes of conduct and explained the vocabulary gay men use to describe their body types and kinks. I could tell that they were highly amused and curious about where they’d fit. The idea for ‘The Guide’ hit me after someone made a joke about needing a pocket guide to keep track of all the labels.”
Three editions and ever-growing Insta following later, Mosley’s pet project has blossomed into a full-on campaign of body liberation and acceptance. He graciously sat down to give us some of his thoughts on body image in the gay community and how he turned a late-night conversation with friends into a published book.
Q: What is “The Guide” to you and what do you hope it is to others?
I originally wanted to create something to help straight people better understand the gay community, but the GBTQ+ community adopted “The Guide” as a resource. A few years ago, I noticed a general decline in our understanding of our social groups. We started to water them down with superficiality. For example — as much as I support how someone chooses to identify themselves — I saw more and more twinks growing beards and misidentifying themselves as bears to fit in. Mind you, bears have particular physical traits and notable history, which I believed should be honored — not misappropriated to get attention.
Not to mention the shaming, body image, and self-esteem issues that plague our community and create a status quo of gay body norms that I don’t even meet. “The Guide’s” movement is the antagonist to that status quo, and the book is a single source of truth that protects our definitions.
I’m aware of the opposing views surrounding labels and stereotypes; however, my readers and followers taught me that “The Guide” helps the GBTQ+ community find themselves, especially those who feel alone or marginalized. This project is intentionally non-judgmental and uplifting to improve our inner and outer narrative. I want this project to help us all think differently about ourselves — and each other — by underscoring the importance of self-acceptance and tolerance. Whether we identify with a specific label or not, we are all valid parts of the broader LGBTQ+ community — regardless of physical appearance, sexual interests, or assignment at birth.
A follower recently DMed me to say, "What you do for your community and for those of us who have been battered and bruised because of the way we look is truly amazing." How powerful is that?
Q: How did you create it?
The process began with research to make sure such a book didn't already exist. I later read articles, watched videos, and asked friends about what our subcultures mean to them. (Would you believe that I couldn't find a single source that didn't judge or poke fun of at least one social group?) Taking all that I discovered, including my knowledge, I gradually started writing.
I'm a web and graphic designer by trade, so I knew I could handle the design and marketing myself. I have another self-published book (not related to this), so I already knew about the process. Self-publishing allows for continual refinement and smaller print runs so that I can evolve the content over time. Since “The Guide’s” first edition, I have incorporated feedback from readers and collaborated with a few models and influencers who appear in some of the chapters. (The fact that there are people who want to be in the book also blows my mind. “The Guide” is on its third edition, and there’s now an ebook.
Q: How did it feel to hold the physical product in your hands?
To this day, it is the strangest feeling to hold the physical manifestation of an idea and have customers from across the world willing to buy it — as far away as Australia. I love getting selfies from readers who tear off their shirts and pose with the book. It is surreal!
With every print run, I worry about typos, rising shipping costs, and whether or not there’s still demand or interest in it. I’m a one-person shop running what’s technically a small business, but, hey, I do it because I feel like I have to try at least to make a difference.
Many people don’t know this, but I was initially too scared to publish the book in the first place because I didn’t think anyone would be interested in it. I sat on the idea for about three years before I sat down and started writing. After a traumatic break-up, I realized that I had not much else to lose. And here we are.
Q: People often think physical books are a dying thing (though evidence shows that's not true) — why go that route, though?
People say “print is dead” all the time, which drives me nuts. How do you wipe your ass? (I know, apples and oranges.) The point is that paper isn’t going away any time soon. I wanted the experience of a physical book for friends and loved ones to share. That’s hard to do otherwise. Before COVID-19, there wasn’t much incentive to publish an ebook because of expensive digital publishing subscription models. However, a few digital publishers became empathetic during the pandemic and provided opportunities for creators like me to distribute our work in a new medium.
Q: Body image is a perennial topic in society and especially in the gay community — how have you seen conversations change about it over the years?
As I’ve fallen in and out of the dating scene over the past decade, I feel body discrimination and shaming have become more insidious. Sometimes I wonder if the gay community is finally starting to learn how unproductive blatant race, fem, body, and gender shaming are. Sure, those things are still very much a problem, but I’ve definitely seen less “no fats, no fems, no blacks, no Asians” written in 2021 than I did in 2006. I can’t speak for the experience of others.
That said, I have noticed that cubs and bears are very en vogue right now. It seems like everyone wants to be a bear or be with a bear. And how we define what a bear is has changed too, skewing younger and more muscular. (They sure ain’t checkin’ for a guy like me these days!)
The silver lining in all of this is the growing number of body liberation movements. Our community is practicing body liberation by freely removing their shirts — no matter what their bodies look like — in defiance of gay body norms.
Conversations about inclusion and diversity are happening more now too, but there’s work to be done for us to understand what those two words mean. Now that the election drama is over, I feel like the #MeToo and BLM will impact society’s mindset for the better. Diversity is who (across the characteristics we’re born with) sits around the table. Inclusion considers everyone's differences of opinion, experiences, and attributes in a given situation. I see many social media accounts claiming to be inclusive but are quite monotonous in who or what they celebrate. I also see many people calling those accounts out for their bullshit.
More like-minded individuals seem to be banding together to support the same message, which is great to see. Hopefully, it’ll continue!
Q: What kind of reception have you had from it?
Overall, the reception has been very positive! It is incredibly intimidating and nerve-racking to create something, share it with the world, and hope someone finds enough value in it to support it. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones.
The messages I get on social media alone never ceases to amaze me. Followers worldwide thank me for acknowledging who and what they are. I’m not worthy of being thanked, but I appreciate and cherish all the messages of very personal stories I get. Some people ask me for advice, and others just want someone who’ll listen. What gets me emotional are the people who admit that this project validates them. That is heavy stuff!
I am no therapist or social media influencer. I'm just like everyone else, but it is incredibly humbling to have a small impact on changing people’s pain, even if it's only one percent.
Social media does have a dark side, as we all know. Sometimes I get accused of perpetuating stereotypes, mostly in reaction to an Instagram post seen in isolation. It’s easy to make a wrong assumption about what this project stands for, but I feel like my message is crystal clear. Don't judge “The Guide” by its cover. Quit scratching. There’s a place for us all.
Brandon’s Favorite Books
“The Works: Anatomy of a City” by Kate Ascher
“The Design of Everyday Things” by Don Norman
“Skillet” by Anna Helm-Baxter
“The Wok Cookbook” edited by Linda Doeser
Q: What do you hope “The Guide” will become in the future?
I would love for “The Guide” to get picked up by a publisher and become a hardcover one day. Until then, I hope that this project's message of self-acceptance, inclusion, and diversity spreads and sticks. The last thing we need to stress about these days is some asshole on Grindr insulting us for being too fat or too fem.
I'm sure the book's content will continue to evolve as subcultures emerge and new opportunities to collaborate with like-minded individuals and businesses arise. Ultimately, I envision a brand of GBTQ+ empowerment, ranging from social media shares, panel discussions, podcasts, pop-up shops, and more pride marches. First things first, I have a long way to go before I grow a large audience (and I need more hours in the day)!
Q: How do you think it will evolve?
I hope that like-minded individuals continue to find “The Guide” and feel empowered by it. Perhaps demand for the book will wane — we’ll just have to wait and see! The ebook is a little ahead of the print version. I just released four new chapters on giraffes, homo thugs, rough traders, and gold star gays, and I redesigned the cover to be more inclusive.
Q: What advice would you give your younger self looking back?
Trust your gut. You don’t have to compromise yourself or your values because having sex is on the table.
What you like isn’t always going to like you back, so keep an open mind and heart because you never know what’ll scratch that itch deep inside your soul.
Get the hell out of Connecticut.
Q: Any additional comments you want to add?
I loved learning about the Little Free LGBTQ Library, and I wish there were more projects like that around. Many of us write powerful pieces, and I’m beyond honored to be a part of the collection.
Though it’s in “The Guide’s” forward, I don’t speak much about this story. When I lived in Connecticut, my core group of gay friends began calling me The Panther (pre-Wakanda and all that), which they say came from a combination of my bold personality, lean physique, and cruising game.
Wild panthers stealthily stalk their prey and patiently wait before pouncing, which is somewhat true of me. Rarely do I make the first move, but things can get intense fast once I pounce. ;) To this day, the panther title has stuck, but the magic of it lies with the place in gay society it’s given me. As a person of color, it is rare to feel welcome or part of a community that favors cis-gendered white muscular, and masculine men.
To shake things up, I added a chapter on panthers in “The Guide” to provide another label or social group for people of color (or anyone for that matter) one more group they can associate with. Jaguars, leopard, and pumas all fall under the Panthera genus, by the way. The possibilities are broad. And that’s the beauty of “The Guide.”
The U in the title is bold for a reason:
U are fine the way you are.
U were born this way.
U belong with the rest of us.
U guide your own way.
U guide the example of love.
U guide who you are.
You can follow @thegaybodyguide on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr. You can connect with Mosley on Grommr, too. “I love receiving DMs, so say hello!”
To learn more or to order your own copy of “The Guide: Gay Bodies & Expressions” at www.thegaybodyguide.com.